Unplanned Revenge
by Zevus
Summary: When Hardison and Eliot find Lucas in a New Jersey suburb, he is heartbroken because of Cuddy. After many man tears and self pity, Lucas decides to seek revenge on Cuddy and House. And there's no way the Leverage crew won't get involved.
1. Chapter 1

**Authors Unimportant Note: This fic is kind of weird, and honestly, quite pointless. You could call it a crackfic, but it's not as cracky as my other work. Everyone is OOC for a reason; mainly to make it funny. It will have three parts, and I'll write the second and third one whenever I feel like it.**

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* * *

**"I've told you over and over again, it's impossible for a woman to impregnate another woman."

"Eliot, you're full of fucking bullshit, you know that?"

"Believe what you like, Hardison. Don't you think Sophie would have gotten pregnant by now? Har har har."

The two were trotting along a suburban sidewalk in New Jersey, trying to find Hardison's wallet. Hardison had dropped it during one of their cons; losing all of his credit cards for his billions of IDs. During their boring and uninteresting walk, Hardison asked Eliot if he had ever touched a real boob. This conversation led to their current one.

"I'm just saying mayne." Hardison ignored Eliot laughing at his own joke. "If they can't get each other pregnant, why the hell do you see these chick couples walking around with kids?"

Eliot smiled. "Turkey baster."

Hardison turned to inform Eliot that he didn't get it, but a man in his late thirties bumped into them both. On a sunny day like this, you wouldn't expect anyone else to be outside.

Eliot stared at him and grunted. He didn't say anything; just grunted. Hardison seemed embarrassed, and squashed a nonexistent bug with his shoe shyly.

The man was crying. Despite his ugly man tears, he was quite pretty, and Eliot was somewhat attracted but quickly ignored his man love. In his right hand, the man rolled a stuffed suitcase that looked as if it was fifty years old.

"I'm like, so sad right now, guys." The guy cried, ignoring the fact that he had never met the pair in his life.

Hardison shifted uncomfortably. "Um, who are you?" He turned away, as if questioning the man was a insult. Eliot pushed Hardison. "Who the hell are you?" Eliot preferred to question more directly.

"I-I'm Lucas." The guy sniffed. Suddenly he burst into tears. "My girlfriend used to call me Lucas..."

"Yeah well..." Hardison squinted. "That's weird, because you know, it's not like it's your name or anything."

"I KNOW right?" Lucas wept.

"Stop being a baby." Eliot growled, grabbing Lucas by the arm. "You're going to meet the team."

"My girlfriend knows this guy who has a team!" Lucas cried, but his face suddenly hardened. "This guy."

"Whatever." Eliot whistled cheerfully.

* * *

Parker was furiously playing a video game on the couch when Eliot, Hardison, and Lucas arrived. It was the next day; they were forced to sleep in a cheap hotel because Hardison refused to leave without his wallet. Eliot bought him ice cream the next day and he forgot all about it.

Sophie was sitting on the couch's armchair, calmly watching as Parker tried to beat the same level over and over again on some portable.

When Lucas saw Sophie he burst into tears. "M-My GIRLFRIEND had dark hair!" He screeched, dropping to his knees.

"Who is this?" Sophie eyed Lucas questionly, trying not to stare at his ass; which was currently exposed because Eliot reluctantly let him borrow a pair of his pants.

"I wish I knew." Hardison mumbled, but Eliot elbowed him. "A poor sap we found in that ugly suburb. His name's Lucas, and by what I can tell he just broke up with his girlfriend." At his last statement, Eliot pointed to Lucas and did an unnecessary cuckoo sign.

Parker crawled over on her knees and peered at him. "He's kind of cute, but I can't see much with the transparent liquid that covers his face." Nobody had anything to say to that.

Sophie came over and patted Lucas on the head. "I feel bad for him. When Nate gets here we can decide what to do. But for now, we have to stop his blabbering." Sophie pulled out a syringe, which she promptly stabbed into his unexpecting neck. Lucas' eyes rolled back into his head, and he collapsed.

"SOPHIE." Eliot scolded. "What has gotten into your unintelligent british mind?" He nudged Lucas with his foot, but Lucas didn't even twitch.

Sophie looked at Eliot with undisguised arrogance. "He serves no purpose." She paused for a moment, pursing her lips. "Undress him. I have a more suitable outfit for him in my closet."

"I'm sorry." Hardison raised his hands. "but I ain't touching ANYWHERE near his dick. Sorry, but I don't roll that way."

"Damnit Hardison!" Eliot yelled. "Do you WANT to make this complicated? Take his fucking shirt off, touch his nipple to relieve your obvious sexual attraction to him, and get on with your fucking business!"

* * *

Nate was whistling the tune to Bad Romance when he opened his apartment door. An unsightly scene greeted him. Having arrived twenty minutes early, what he saw was Hardison straddling a shirtless unconscious man. Hardison whipped his head up to greet Nate, his eyes wide. Hardison's right hand was resting on the man's nipple, but it quickly shot up when Nate entered.

"It's not what it looks like." Hardison backed away from the body. "It's not." He raised up his hands, slowly backing towards the stairs. "ELIOT! ELIOT! GET DOWN HERE!" He turned his head and screamed.

Eliot quickly stumbled down the stairs. "What is it?" When he saw Nate, he quickly looked at Lucas, and he flashed Hardison an angry glare. "You should be done by now. What exactly have you been doing?"

Hardison blushed, but Nate answered Eliot's question, confusion in his voice. "I walk in, and I see Hardison touching this guy's nipple. Can someone explain what's going on?"

As Eliot explained, Hardison scrunched up in a ball and started to chant. "Naked women. Naked women. Naked women. Not naked men. Naked women."

Parker fell down the stairs. As she got up, she looked at Nate. Her face was red as if she was holding back laughter. Trying to keep a normal appearance, she took a step toward Nate. "Hey Nate, guess what?" She was practically crying with poorly disguised amusement.

Nate sighed. "What? What it is, Parker? Tell me. Oh god, I must know." He sat a book he was carrying on a nearby table, and folded his hands neatly in front of him, waiting to hear what exactly Parker found so amusing.

"Guess what I've been doing?" She glanced at Eliot, who urged her on with his eyes.

Parker's cheeks were puffed out and she sucked in an uneven breath. "Fucking Sophie." Suddenly, she burst into an uncontrolled laughter, and Eliot snorted.

Nate's face fell at first, but he soon figured out that this was a "joke." Nate didn't like jokes very much, but to appear normal, he chuckled. "Haha."

"Eliot told me to say it!" She giggled. "He said it would be funnier coming from me!"

Apparently nobody but Nate realized how lame the "joke" was.

Meanwhile, Hardison was sweating with relief as the subject changed.

But his hope was crushed when Nate turned back to Lucas. "So, why exactly was Hardison molesting this weird but oddly attractive man?"

"Because Hardison is gay." Sophie appeared out of nowhere. She looked over to where Parker was standing. "I heard what you said."

"What? No you didn't." Eliot growled. "You were upstairs. There's no way." He clenched his fists, ready to fight Sophie over this trivial argument.

"Silly Eliot." Sophie brushed her nails against the burly man's chest. "My father was a bat." Her words came out in an odd, seductive way, and Nate got jealous.

Hardison piped up. "That's kind of gross. Ewwww." At his words, Sophie turned her seductive eyes on him. Gently tugging on his shirt, she raised him up.

"Silly Alec." Sophie brushed her nails against the slim man's chest. "My mother was an animal scientist." She pursed her lips thoughtfully. "We sometimes can't," she looked down at his groin for a moment, "help who we love."

"Uh yeah, that's gross. Woo yeah, gross Sophie." Nate stuttered nervously, hoping she would come over to him next. She didn't.

Suddenly, Lucas groggily raised his head. "Where am I?" He rasped, swinging his head around. He looked down at his bare chest and squinted. "And WHY am I shirtless?"

"Long story. Forget about it." Hardison answered quickly. He grabbed Eliot's arm. "Remember us?"

Lucas peered at them. "Oh yeah. I met you guys on the sidewalk right after..." He stopped, his eyes tearing up. "Right after..." He started to bawl.

"Oh god." Sophie rolled her eyes. "Not this shit again."

Lucas continued to weep for about ten minutes. "Can't he ever stop?" Hardison whined.

The crying ceased for a moment from Hardison's words, but quickly started up again. Through his tears, Lucas was trying to tell them something. Parker squatted down next to him. "What is it?" She whispered, staring at him intently. "What is it?"

Lucas grabbed her shirt collar. "I-" he panted, trying to fight back the tears.

"Yes?" Parker looked at him hopefully, her eyes filled with excitement.

Lucas pulled her until her ear was next to his mouth. With a deep, calm voice, he quietly whispered the words into her ear.

"I need your help to get back at my girlfriend."


	2. Chapter 2

**Author's Unimportant Note: This scene is a bit iffy, but I'm going to keep it T because it'll get more views that way. Some Huddy bashing, Lucas lovin', and both gay and lesbian implications.**

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* * *

**"So, where's your FUCKING BOYFRIEND?"

"Lord Nathaniel, I think this has gotten out of hand."

"Shush, Princess Sophierica. I can handle this."

Both Cuddy and House were tied to chairs and had duck tape on their mouths. Cuddy appeared to be weeping, but she could just be sweating. Nobody was sure.

All of the Leverage team had fancy suits on, along with ski masks to cleverly hide their identities. The only person who appeared normal was Lucas, who was shuffling on his feet nervously. "NATE! NATE! Don't kill them."

Nate squinted. "Who is this Nate you speak of?" He turned to Cuddy and House. "I am Lord Nathaniel."

They were in Cuddy's house, and everybody heard Parker scream from the back room. "I found the baby!"

Cuddy tried to scream, but the duck tape muffled her cries.

"Lord Nathaniel, this really wasn't how it should have played out." Sophie seemed scared, as if she'd have never done anything worse than stealing pocket change.

"I agree." Hardison stumbled up.

A gun fired.

* * *

_3 hours earlier_

"I'm sorry, Nate, but we can't help this guy. We're con artists, not revenge specialists." Sophie growled.

Nate put his puppy face on. He looked away. "I'm sorry, Sophie. This case just kind of-" He stuttered. "Kind of reminds me when Sam died."

Sophie wasn't ruffled. "Bullshit."

Parker appeared in the door with Lucas unsteadily grasping her arm. "Lucas says that he really hopes that the ugly British chick will help him."

Sophie gasped and put her hands on her hips. "I was planning to hop on your disco stick, but I guess not." She gave a huff.

Eliot angrily ran into the room, Hardison not far behind. "No Hardison! I will not fuck you. Ever." He grabbed the hacker by the shirt collar and threw him across the room, where he promptly crashed into Sophie's unsuspecting figure.

"AAHHH! RAPE!" Hardison screeched, batting the grifter off him. Sophie stood up, fuming at both Eliot and Hardison. "Alec, you're so obviously gay it hurts. Get. Over. It."

"I'm not." Hardison, in a frenzy, took off his shirt. "THESE." He motioned to his lower abdomen. "Are the abs of a straight man."

Eliot snorted.

"We need to find a way to get back at this Lisa Cuddy person, remember?" Nate flipped a switch, and a giant TV lowered to expose a video of somebody's house.

"...When did we install that?" Hardison had already put his shirt back on and was eying the screen. "Mayne, hell would freeze over before I was oblivious to something like that."

"Me and Lucas did it." Nate beamed. "He had already put a bunch of cameras and microphones into Cuddy's house, and we hooked it up to this baby." He petted the screen softly. "I got it when Maggie and I had a really big fight, and she forgot to take her credit card with her when she rushed out. It's been living in my closet for a couple of years."

"Right next to the dead body?" Parker asked, eyes wide in awe.

Before Nate could say anything, Eliot piped up. "No, just no. There is no way that fucking screen fit in any form of a closet." Eliot finished his last statement in a growl.

Sophie rolled her eyes. "It's not like it could fit, even if there was room; Nate's pornos take up half of the room."

"LOL Sophie said something funny. Mark your calenders." Hardison said gleefully.

"Ahem." Lucas coughed, easing his way into the team's conversation. "Time is running out." He looked down at his wrist. "It's almost ten."

"You don't have a watch." Eliot growled.

"That's okay!" Nate puffed his chest proudly. "The screen has a built in clock!"

"Let's just get this ovah with." Everybody registered her accent now, even Lucas. They all stood there for a moment, silent, until Lucas opened his mouth.

"How do people understand you?" He asked. Before she could reply, he kept going. "Like, when you're at Taco Bell, how does the minority know what you're ordering?"

"Whatchu talkin' bout minority?" Hardison growled.

Lucas raised his palms. "Sorrwee, I was referring to the Latino, but whatever."

Before Parker could spew some bullshit about Nate being Mexican, the sound system started to boom out some muffled grunts.

Nate's brow furrowed. "Did someone beat us to it? Can the two be in trouble? Hardison, check each room."

On the third room, the bedroom, they struck gold. To the crew's horror, along with Lucas', they saw two really ugly people on the bed. Cuddy was riding House like a cowgirl, and both were letting out nasty, nasty sound effects.

Lucas started to spill out that day's lunch, and four out of the five members of the crew ducked and threw themselves against the floor, screaming. All except Parker, who titled her head and stared at the screen, not blinking. In a scientific, robot tone, she stated promptly, "She's about to release."

Lucas started to bawl, and Eliot yelled at him. "IF YOU GRAB YOUR CROTCH, I PROMISE YOU I'LL THROW YOU INTO THE OTHER ROOM. THROUGH THE FUCKING WALL."

Hardison scooted over to hold Lucas comfortingly. "It's okay baby." He rocked back and forth. "She's gonna pay. She's gonna pay."

Any hope that Hardison was straight flew out of the window.

Sophie peered up from where she was ducked behind the table. "Hey, Nate. Come comfort me." She started to bawl. Nate quickly scrambled up and ran to wrap his arms around her shoulders.

Parker turned to Eliot. "We're the only two that's left. Become one flesh, yes?"

"We're not having sex." Eliot growled. At his words, the couple on the TV screen "finished," and were now cuddling. Lucas pushed Hardison away. "Can you believe that? Cuddling? She'd never cuddle with me. Not after sex."

"I say we should break into their house." Nate dropped Sophie and she let out a screech. "We break in, with disguises, of course, and just ruffle 'em up a bit."

"Good idea." Lucas nodded, and Nate beamed. Eliot growled. Did EVERYBODY have a hard on for this guy?

Nate skipped over to a small closet in the room and pulled out five suits. "Sorry, Luke, but you'll have to go as is." Did he just call him Luke?

Parker started to strip to put her suit on, but Sophie quickly stopped her and shuffled the thief into another room.

Sophie placed Parker in the back of the room. "Stay here and change, kay?" Sophie eyed the thief as she remained still. "Good. Now just stay." Parker remained silent.

But as Sophie turned to walk out of the door, Parker hurried in front of her and shut the door. "Female Rape" flashed through Sophie's mind about a dozen times, but then Sophie remembered this was _Parker_. It also, unfortunately, reminded her that Parker probably didn't know the difference between consensual sex and rape.

Parker stared disapprovingly at Sophie. "Do you want to fuck Lucas?"

"No." Sophie lied.

Parker remained unconvinced. "I'll fight you for it." Sophie screeched as Parker tackled her, shoving her against the bed as she attempted to block Sophie's feeble retaliations.

Sophie was pretty sure Parker viewed this as a game; as one that was really funny and that they would laugh about later. Parker ripped Sophie's shirt off, along with her bra. Before Sophie could process what was going on, the grifter was already screaming, "RAPE! RAPE!"

Parker seemed confused by that, and for a moment loosened her grip. Sophie shoved her off, pushing her on the floor. The grifter hurtled herself towards the door, still screaming.

Nate, Eliot, Hardison, and Lucas were silently sipping tea as they chatted absentmindedly about guy stuff. "And this cheerleader in high school took my love note and put it in the star football player's locker. I was SOOO embarrassed."

"Hardison, I think we can now trace your gayness back to the source."

Hardison was just about to add that the guy was really cute, but with Eliot's comment decided better on it. Just as he was about to say "I am not a gay man. I am a straight man." Sophie came barging into the room, shirtless, braless, and screaming her head off. Parker stumbled after her.

"Get away from me!" Sophie choked, scrambling in a corner, trying to hide her very, very exposed chest. "You tried to, you tried to," She stopped and wailed out the last bit. "RAPE ME!"

Hardison gasped and raised his hand over his mouth, crossing his legs. "Nuh uh, girlfriend." When Eliot glared at him, he quickly added, "Home dog. Brothah. Bro."

Nate tripped over to Sophie, holding her, his hand pressed comfortingly against her chest.

Parker looked confused. "No, I didn't. We were fighting, and I saw on TV where a person said you should expose your opponent's breast so they get self conscious and try to hide them."

Lucas came over and patted the thief's should. "It's okay. I understand." Parker stared at him lovingly, shooting Sophie a triumphant glare.

"Let's just get back to the revenge plan." Eliot growled.


	3. Chapter 3

**Author's Unimportant Note: WOOT! Character death in this chapter! This chapter is bloody, and not for people who can't handle an overload of total BADASS.**

* * *

Nate peeled his ski mask off to get a good view of the house in front of him. The team had to go to Wal-Mart to buy the masks, but it backfired and they ended up stealing them. It wasn't that bad, they left a dollar in change to partially compensate Wal-Mart for their expenses. Lucas drove the gettaway car, and they were now on the front lawn of Lisa Cuddy's ugly house. All the lights were off, but they were definitely in there.

Hardison gave a small sigh as Lucas bent down to pick up a piece of paper, but Eliot hit him in the arm, and the sighing quickly stopped.

"Mmkay, so we need a plan. Parker, make a quick round around the house to check for security or creepos." Nate stood looking thoughtful.

Hardison piped up nervously. "Um, Nate. Aren't we technically the creepos?"

Sophie answered for him. "Silly Alec. We're the GOOD GUYS. Not the creepos."

Eliot grunted. "I think we should make nicknames. I can be Tarzan, and Sophie can be Fartface."

Sophie tried not to cry at the hitter's words. Instead, she looked at a butterfly. As her gaze fell on the beautiful creature, it gave a shirek and fell to the ground, dead. Sophie cried this time.

"It's okay, Fartface." Eliot mocked, raisings his palms. "Why the hell is a butterfly out here anyway?" He took the heel of his boot and pressed it against the butterfly's body, crushing it.

Nate shushed everybody by pressing his index finger to his lips and going "SHUSH!" very loudly. "I agree with Eliot; we do need nicknames. I can be, uh, Nathaniel." He elbowed Lucas. "Get it? Nate; Nathaniel. Huh?"

Lucas fell to the ground and started to foam at the mouth. "W-Why are we d-doing this in the front of h-her house where anybody c-could drive by?"

They ignored him. Sophie squealed when she thought the name of Sophierica. Eliot kept Tarzan, and Hardison was unfortunately nicknamed The Little Gay Man.

Parker should have been back by now. "Where is SHE?" Sophie hissed, but broke off suddenly when they saw a light flick on in the house in front of them.

"Oh noo..." Lucas groaned, getting up. "Oh no."

"Quickly, everybody, we have to help Parker. They must have captured her." Nate pulled out a cheap sword from its sheath on his waist. He bought it at Wal-Mart along with the ski masks.

They all yelled as they ran toward the house, Eliot pushing to the front to ram the front door with his shoulder. It busted open, cracking and shooting splinters to the whole crew. Parker walked in the room, a soda in her left hand. "What's going on? I just turned the light on to find something to drink."

"YOU MORON!" Hardison yelped, cowering in the corner. "We're all gonna die!"

But House and Cuddy didn't appear to have woken up. Parker had disabled the alarm system, but the door breaking was really loud. Nate whispered the plan. "Tarzan, Gay Man, go into the bedroom and drag them in here. Lucas, find some rope. Me and Sophierica will stand here and look cool."

Eliot and Hardison trudged toward the bedroom. A few moments later Nate heard muffled screams and some crying. There was a loud bang, Eliot cursing, and something lashing against skin. Eliot walked out first, dragging House by his heels. There was a long slice on House's chest, and Hardison appeared, holding a bloody sex whip in his hand. He dropped a writhing Cuddy on the floor, pressing his heel against her neck so she couldn't crawl away. "Eliot told me to hold this after he whipped House for trying to hit him. It was just lying around. LOL."

Lucas returned, and both House and Cuddy's eyes widened when he appeared. They tried to talk, but Sophie was busy ducktaping their mouths. Nate kicked two chairs in the middle of the room, and Lucas tied them both to one.

Nate grinned as his team settled behind him. Lucas avoided everybody's gaze. "Soo, it seems we have a bunch of CLOWNS, with us today." He leaned, squinting in Cuddy's face. "How old are you?" He swerved to look at House, then back to Cuddy. "Lukie, she's too old for you."

Lucas sobbed. "Don't call me Lukie." Cuddy seemed to be trying to talk with her eyes, but Eliot whispered something to Parker, and the thief soon disappeared.

Nate strode to the middle of the room, sniffing indignantly at the two people in front of him. He was about to say something, but coughed instead. After a slightly awkward silence of mumbled bless you's Nate spoke again. "So. We've got three people; two men, one woman. Said woman dates one of the men, accepts his PROPOSAL, even, but then dumps him less than 24 hours later for a fat, ugly, scarred asshole. What are we? A highschool?"

Eliot strode up and pounded his fist in his hand for effect. Hardison lashed his sex whip menicingly in the air. Nate rolled his eyes. "Tarzan, rape the lady."

Sophie's head shot up from where she was napping. "What? We can't do that! It's unethical!" Sophie paused for a second, pursing her lips in thought. "And the bitch is unattractive. You know, the latter is more convincing. Tarzan," She spread across the floor. "Rape me instead."

"Hell. No."

Nate slammed his fist down on a table as House let out what sounded like a chuckle. "YOU THINK THIS IS FUNNY? HUH? WELL FUCK YOU! I AM NATHANIEL FUCKING FORDIFORD AND I DON'T TOLERATE STUPID SHIT, YOU UNDERSTAND ME?" Nate was breathing hard and his chest was rising with each breath, a gleam in his eye.

He didn't stop there. "So, which man in the room is your boyfriend?" He said to Cuddy, grinning. "Pick one. Tell me where he is. C'mon, where is he?"

She started to bawl. He continued.

"So, where's your FUCKING BOYFRIEND?"

"Lord Nathaniel, I think this has gotten out of hand."

"Shush, Princess Sophierica. I can handle this."

Lucas jumped up, nervous and jittery. "NATE! NATE! Don't kill them." He pleaded, almost in tears himself.

Nate squinted. "Who is this Nate you speak of?" He turned to Cuddy and House. "I am Lord Nathaniel." His eyes remained slanted as he spoke.

Without warning, they all heard Parker scream from farther back in the house. "I found the baby!" Eliot nodded approvingly, but Cuddy's scream was muffled by the duct tape on her mouth.

"Lord Nathaniel, this really wasn't how it should have played out." Sophie was sweating with nervousness and slight fear.

"I agree." Hardison yelped, stumbling up.

A gun fired.

The Leverage team stumbled back, raising their hands defensively over their faces at the noise. The room caught FIRE as a figure swaggered in casually, as if the scene was nothing. A long, slick black coat fell at its feet as it stopped, the smoke clearing for a clearer view.

Foreman. Foreman? Foreman.

Dark sunglasses covered his eyes, and in his hand he held a regular handgun, though there were two heavy duty machine guns strapped to his back. In a cold, robotic voice, Foreman stated, "I got a last minute call from a James Sterling. A disoriented guy, at that. I was going to brush him off, but he said that these five criminals were headed to Cuddy's. Couldn't believe it." He shrugged, flicking a piece of lint off of his shoulder. "I brought back up, just in case."

Chase jumped in, waving a watergun madly in the air. He had a pink sweatsuit on, and cheap sunglasses. Thirteen walked in, a leather suit on, similar to that of Kate Beckinsale in Underword. It even had a cape.

Nate got up slowly, chuckling. "You think your flimsly little army can stop me? Really? You've got to be kidding." He laughed, motioning to Eliot. "Tarzan, kill." Eliot didn't hesitate. As Nate motioned to the rest of the team, Eliot flung himself in battle with the three people. Parker, Sophie, and Hardison soon did the same. Four against three.

Screams could be heard as hair was pulled, clothing ripped. Blood splattered against House's and Cuddy's faces, and their eyes widened in shock. Parker was in an all out battle with Thirteen, who was currently winning. "Think you can hurt me, you little blonde punk? I have Huntington's. I have NOTHING to live for!"

Parker stopped struggling. "You do? That's SO sad." Thirteen, caught of guard, didn't say anything, but loosened her grip enough for Parker to take over and slit her throat.

Nate was red in the face, screaming. "MORE BLOOD! MORE BLOOD MORE!" Eliot shoved his boot against Chase's baby face as Hardison whipped him.

"Naughty, naughty boy." Hardison scolded the Australian. Eliot pushed down harder, and Chase let out a small noise as he died. Suddenly, Foreman pulled out one of the machine guns.

"ENOUGH!" He screeched as he blasted across the room, the sound of the bullets pounding against the wall nearly deafening. Stray bullets quickly found Sophie, who wasn't really fighting, killing the British woman instantly. She went unmourned.

Eliot growled, pushing over to Foreman, but before he reached the Murderer of Sophie, Nate raised his hand, and the bullets stopped flying. Hardison and Lucas stared up in estonishment as Nate sighed. "Too much blood, too much. I was greedy. So greedy..." He closed his eyes, sighing again. Finally, after several minutes. He looked up at Foreman, approaching the man. Foreman didn't stop him. "You killed her. My friend. My lov-" He stopped as Eliot stared at him. "My friend. And for that-" He looked into the doctor's eyes. "I must thank you."

Foreman looked confused as the Leverage team took turns clasping him on the shoulder, telling him he did a good job. He dropped his weapon; it splashed in a puddle of blood and remained still. House and Cuddy looked almost braindead with shock. "C'mon." Eliot grunted to Foreman, giving him a bro hug. "We can all go get a cold beer."

"W-What about them?" Lucas pointed to House and Cuddy, shaking in shock.

"Oh, yeah." Nate said absentmindedly. He grabbed the gun from the blood and shot both of them. "They won't be missed."

Lucas lay dead in a puddle of blood and his own piss. He was never good at handling shock.

Nate, Eliot, Hardison, Parker, and Foreman walked down the street and into the growing sunrise, side by side. Neighbors were waking up, looking curiously at the group. It didn't matter. They were at peace. Everything was great. "So." Nate looked hesitantly at Foreman, who was staring straight ahead and had a natural pokerface on. "What would you say if I asked you to be our new grifter..."

The End.


End file.
